Nigerian weddings are not just ceremonies; they are full-blown festivals. From owambe vibes to the endless supply of rice and drama, every wedding is a unique experience… Until you realize it’s the same set of characters that keep showing up, like a recurring Nollywood series.
Whether it’s in Lagos, Owerri, or Kaduna, these people somehow make it to every wedding, uninvited or not. And let’s be honest, you may probably be one of them.
1. The Aso-Ebi Slay Queen
She came. She slayed. She conquered. And being related to the couple or not is none of her concern because she must slay.
Her makeup was done at 5am, with gele tighter than your landlord’s pocket, and her dress? Custom-made, of course.
She’s there to be seen, recorded, and reposted on Instagram with hashtags like #WeddingGuestGoals. You will find her striking poses at every photo booth and adjusting her outfit every 5 minutes.
2. The Plate Collector
This one didn’t come for love – they came for the jollof rice, fried meat, small chops, amala, and anything edible.
They have had four rounds already and are currently eyeing the fifth. They might even pretend to be part of both families just to double their food portions. And if the servers are being ‘stingy’? They will start acting important and asking this evergreen question, “Do you know who I am?”
3. The Drunk Uncle
He arrived sober and respected. Two bottles of stout later, he’s shouting into the mic, giving unsolicited marriage advice, and telling the couple how he “knew them since they were born.”
He will randomly burst into dance or tears (or even both), and someone will have to gently escort him out when he starts calling the groom “my boy!”
4. The Snapchat/Instagram Reporter
This one is not really present at the wedding; they are living it through their phone.
Expect 72 Instagram stories, 12 TikToks, and 5 reels before the reception ends. They film everything, from the cake cutting to Uncle Tunde dozing off in the corner. They will also film you mid-bite and tag you without asking.
5. The Hype MC
If you don’t have energy, avoid this guy. He will force you to dance, scream, shake your body, or even propose to your partner.
He is the engine oil of the party, and without him, there is no vibe. Sometimes it feels like he is the one getting married. And yes, guilty as charged, he has overused phrases like “ladies and gentlemen, make some nooooiiiiiseeee!”
6. The “Single and Searching” Guest
They didn’t come for the couple as usual; they came to scout for their next catch.
Constantly scanning the crowd for fine boys in agbada or ladies with frontals that look like wife material or husband material.
If you see someone laughing too hard at a not-so-funny joke, just know the chase is on. By the time the bouquet is being thrown, they have already planned their own wedding.
7. The Aunties with Agenda
They have been waiting for this day just to ask you, “When are we coming for your own?”
Always reminding you that you are getting older, comparing you to your cousin who already has 3 kids, and saying it all with a smile that is more dangerous than pepper soup. Some will even suggest a suitor for you before the reception is over.
Nigerian weddings are never complete without this hilarious cast of characters.
So the next time you attend one, keep your eyes open, and if you can’t spot any of them… Congrats, you are probably one of them.
