One minute you’re vibing to Asake, the next day you’re shouting “Is that how you’re supposed to sit?!”
Before you know it, you’re sipping hot Lipton, and giving unsolicited life advice like it’s your birthright.
It starts small, then before you know it, you’re exhibiting symptoms of full-blown Nigerian parent behaviour.
Here’s how to know the transformation is almost complete:
1. You’re haggling prices in the market
You’re not even pricing goods with conscience oooo.
Not ordinary pricing, you’re boldly asking for 80% discount like you’re trying negotiating international trade deals.
Even your mum would pause and say, “Ah ah, you sabi price pass me!”
You’ll stand there arguing over ₦100 until both you and the seller start calling each other “my brother” and “my sister.”
2. You can’t step out without “just in case” items
Power bank? Check. Extra water? Check.
Two wraps of gala and a nylon bag “just in case”? Check.
You’re now a walking mini-provision store.
3. You use plastic ice cream containers for soup
You’ve bought ice cream only once in 2020, but somehow you have 12 empty containers storing egusi, okro, and stew in the freezer.
We hail you o!
4. You start telling people, “When I was your age…”
And it’s never to motivate them , it’s to guilt-trip them.
“When I was your age, I already knew how to trek from Lagos to Ibadan without getting tired.”
5. You Believe Every Sickness Can Be Cured with Agbo
Headache? Agbo.
Stomach ache? Agbo. Heartbreak?
Try Agbo first.
You’re now recommending bitter leaf and ginger like you’re the Minister of Herbal Affairs.
You even say, “Don’t worry, I’ll mix it myself.”
Ahhhhhh
6. Saturday Morning = Cleaning Crusade
You wake up on Saturday with a spiritual urge to sweep compound, mop tiles, and rearrange furniture that was perfectly fine.
You’re not normal o, cos if you were, you won’t behave like the weapon fashioned against the rest of us.
You even start shouting, “This house is smelling dust!” when no one else smells anything.
7. You have a nylon bag full of nylon bags
Don’t lie, you have one big bag in your kitchen dedicated to storing other nylon bags.
And when guests need one, you proudly say, “Check that drawer.”
8. You can scold with just your eyes
No shouting, no words, just one look and the person will sit up straight, fix their posture, and repent from all sins.
Your evil eyes is eviling.
At this point, just accept it, you are now who you once feared. If you’ve ticked at least 3 of these, congratulations, you’re officially entering your Nigerian parent era. No need to fight it, just embrace it and start practicing your “I’m not your mate” speech.
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