So, the year end is upon us already and before we know it, we'll all be screaming Happy New Year and be very excited for the new year as if it will miraculously be better than the former without us doing something differently. Anyways, dahs talk for another day. Here are the things that definitely shouldn't enter 2019 with you.
1. I wish I had met you before marrying her
This has to be 1 of the greatest scams of all time. The lines have evolved but the message hasn't changed. My sister, if he didn't meet you before he got wifed up, have sense and waka comot. You're still there wondering what could have been shey? No worry, na so person dey take become sidechic no 4! Contunu!
2. Ladies proposing in public and getting rejected
Look ladies, safe to say we have gone this route and it has mostly bin an epic fail. Something about us in Nigeria is not just ready for it yet.
If you wan propose to man and you no sure im go talk 'yes'...please do it privately so we wee nor watch ur video and laugh at you. No be say we wicked o, but laughter is good for the soul, and laugh we must!
3. Zoning of any kind
Chai...which zone have we not heard of in this life! Y'all need to stop zoning people, and if you have been zoned, you seriously need to stop trying to get out of it. Just stay in your place and fulfil ya divine calling abeg. We are tired of all ya wahala
4. I don't do long distance relationship
Berra kip kwayet. You don't do what? You stay at Berger, she stays at Ogijo and ya here saying rubbish. If transport fare to and fro her house is competing with bus fare to Ijebu Ode, Biko you're in long distance relationship. Come and carry ya thing
5. Ladies drinking sniper because of ordinary heartbreak
See, les jes stop acting like getting your heart broken is anything new. We have already heard the most absurd break-up stories and the heart sef has evolved. Now it can be broken and be stitched together to fall back in love in 2 weeks. Pls we know deep down, you really don't wanna die cossa 1 guy that's living his best life. So rise up and pepper him.
6. Being in an unaware relationship
So you're calling her morning, afternoon and night checking up on her, you wee now say you never had plans of dating her o, you were Jes bin a friend. Friend kee you dia. What else remain Biko? And ladies, pls les jes give ourselves brain in 2019. Ya allowing yasef get attached to someone else's property abi? They don't need to be married for you to be a boo-snatcher o. She who snatches someone else's boo shall eventually have theirs snatched forever.
7. Hiding your blue tick on WhatsApp
You think I'm joking abi? All you hired assassins on WhatsApp that will be viewing our status and reading our messages that we will not even have a clue, y'all need to repent in 2019. Ahnahn! It's really unfair on so many levels. But maybe it's better I don't even know you're viewing my status at all than those that I know are viewing it but will still never chat with me? Na so I dey insensible reach?
8. Men are scum/women are bitches
This is personally a trigger for me. How can you open ya mouth with full confidence because a representative or 2 (or 3 -7 if your village pipu are doing you) of a gender do you 1 kind, you now be generalizing. Ahnahn! Have you met everyone in Nigeria ni? Abi are you sharing it upandan? Plx don't coman be spoiling market for the rest of us on the TL after they shattered your heart becos we nor dey dere when u dey enjoy the relationship o. Abeg abeg abeg...hol ya side!
9. Asking 'have you eaten?' without plans to help
Asin...do you have a demon living on your inside ni? Why are you reminding me of my hunger when you know you have no intention of epping me? What is your mission with that line of questioning Biko? Be asking 'have you eaten?' as if you're gonna send food through the phone. Please you pipu shud keep ya caring questions to yourselves if there will not be any actual care-giving following it! Pls don't ask me why I'm so angry today... I'm not crying pls😭😭😭
10. Living a fake life on the Gram.
Seriously, we have to stop all this nonsense in 2018. What is the point of being perceived as been rich online when you cannot dash me ordinary 20k to use hol body?
Jokes apart though, peeps need to stop living fake happy lives on social media when in real life they empty pass pure water wey poor man suck dry. Why am I even bothering myself with you pipu. Continue na, Las Las we go stee jam inside BRT standing queue.
11. No BRAIN!!!
I know I said ten things, but if you buy CD, bonus track dey de. So just take this as an early Yuletide gift. Some people really need to stop acting like their brain didn't cross over into the new year with them. First you say you don't believe in new year resolutions, but then you wrote stuff down...run with it till the 6 long weeks of January hit you, by 3rd week, you give up, only for you to start running in December as though you want to make up for all the ten+ months you wasted in between in 1 month.
Abeg, resolution, action plan without the actual act of not getting distracted, weytin e be?
Peace out y'all...love y'all... Be sure to share this article with your friends, enemies and loved ones so we can have wiser Nigerians in 2019. And please don't ask me what I have done with all my own wisdom o...
Head over to our YouTube Channel where you're sure to krack some ribs