If you grew up in a typical Nigerian household, then you already know the kind of discipline that shaped us. It wasn’t about gentle corrections or calm discussions, it was about survival. Our parents didn’t do countdowns or reasoning. They did slipper throws from long distances, hot slaps that echoed in your soul, and lectures that lasted longer than the punishment itself. Discipline back then was unpredictable, but consistent and we got the message, loud and clear.
But now? These same Nigerian parents are acting brand new. Not with us of course not but with the younger ones. Suddenly, they’re full of patience, understanding, and emotional intelligence. Now you hear things like, “Don’t beat him o, he’s just a child,” or “Leave her, she doesn’t like shouting.” You’ll even catch them saying, “Talk to him calmly he will understand.” And you’re just there, blinking in disbelief, wondering if these are the same people who used to threaten you with “Wait till we get home.”
It’s actually funny and a little bit painful because this new energy was completely absent when we were growing up. Back then, crying too much could get you more beatings. Asking questions meant you were being rude. And talking back? That was a fast track to physical and spiritual reset. Our parents were firm, feared, and rarely questioned. Feelings were not a topic. You either kept quiet or got a slap to help you find silence.
So what changed?
First off, many of our parents are older now and simply don’t have the energy for wahala. They’re not about to chase toddlers around or argue with stubborn teenagers. These days, they just want peace. If that means letting little Tobi watch cartoons all day while he eats biscuits, so be it. They pick their battles now something they never did with us.
Exposure has also played a role. Social media, parenting blogs, and global conversations have opened Nigerian parents up to modern ideas about discipline and child development. Words like “gentle parenting,” “emotional regulation,” and “mental health” have entered the chat. Some of our parents now understand that shouting and beating don’t always work and maybe they’re trying to do things differently this time around.
And let’s be honest, some of them are probably feeling a little guilty. Maybe they see now that some of the ways they handled us were extreme. Maybe they’re realizing that love doesn’t have to be loud, and that correction doesn’t have to hurt. So with the younger kids or even their grandkids they’re trying to be better, softer, and more present. It’s almost like they’re making up for lost time.
Of course, the times have changed too.
Today’s children are growing up in a world full of technology, sensitivity, and choices. They have options. They have rights. One wrong move and your child is on TikTok explaining “how trauma works.” Parents are more cautious now they don’t want to go viral for the wrong reasons.
So yes, Nigerian parents have become softer but not necessarily with us. We’re still getting asked why we’re tired after work. We’re still hearing “At your age I had three children and a house.” We still can’t show small stress without someone asking, “Do you know what I went through at your age?” The softness isn’t always extended backwards.
Still, it’s refreshing to witness. It’s a sign that people can grow, even our parents. We may not have received the gentle version of them, but it’s beautiful to see that the next generation just might. No slippers. No random whoopings. Just calm voices, snacks, and bedtime cartoons.
We’re still healing, yes but we’re also smiling. Because this shift? It means something. It means we’re breaking the cycle.
