My people! Gone are the days when you could simply walk into a market, point at a shirt, and say, “I want that one,” without getting a crash course in the latest fashion linguistics.
I mean, really! Clothes were just clothes, shoes were just shoes, and wigs were, well, just wigs.
But now? Now we have an entire fashion dialect that sounds like it was concocted by a group of over-caffeinated fashionistas after an all-night brainstorming session.
Take, for instance, “Wig Joy.” Who on earth came up with that? Are we supposed to wear the wig and suddenly feel like we just won a reality show?
“Congratulations! You’ve been awarded a lifelong supply of joy in the form of a synthetic hairstyle!” It’s as if they’ve buried the plain old wig so deep under layers of luxury that we can no longer find it.
And let’s talk about “Aramide palazzo.” If you ask me, it sounds more like the name of a new Nigerian movie featuring a lead character who magically transforms into a millionaire by simply wearing a pair of trousers.
“This week on ‘Aramide Palazzo,’ watch as she conquers the city with her high-waisted pants and an aura of sophistication, all while sipping zobo!” Honestly, it’s just a fancy way to say “big trousers!”
Then there’s “Nneka curls.” Now, Nneka is a name that brings smiles, nostalgia, and maybe a plate of jollof rice to mind, but when you attach “curls” to it, suddenly it sounds like you need a PhD in hair care just to understand the product. “Excuse me, please.
I’d like the Nneka curls, extra bounce, with a side of moisture!” Like, can we just not? The wahala is becoming too much!
The instant an item gets that special luxury name, oh, you best believe the price skyrockets! One minute you’re thinking, “I could do with a new pair of flats,” and the next, the shopkeeper is telling you that “Your Elegance Steppers – Limited Edition” would set you back a small fortune.
Meanwhile, they’re really just shoes that you can use to chase after danfo or run from your village auntie who’s trying to give you marital advice!
Life was way less complicated when everything had normal names. You knew what you were getting: a shirt was a shirt, a shoe was a shoe, and a wig was good ol’ hair!
Now it feels like we need an interpreter just to navigate a fashion store. “Excuse me, sir, can you help me find the ‘Eleganza flat sandals’ I think they’re somewhere close to the ‘Chic Essence block heels’?”
In the end, we just want our clothes, shoes, and wigs back, minus the drama of royalty and over-the-top names! I mean, can’t we just have ‘Good Vibes shoes’ without the extra stress? Or is that too much to ask for in this new Nigerian fashion world?
