Because in this city, survival is a skill set. We all know living in Lagos isn’t for the faint-hearted.
I’ve lived in this city since I was born, and yet every experience still makes me feel like I just arrived, not fully attuned to the chaotic lifestyle. I know you’d be like, “as how nau?” But trust me, Lagos will always find a new way to shock you.
You must be an Idan to function here with a sharp mind, quick legs, and emotional stamina. The traffic alone can humble your destiny, and the daily noise? Loud enough to make your thoughts file a complaint.
So, how do you survive without losing your home training? Let me give y’all the memo:
1. Get an apartment that’s centrally located
If you’ve lived here long enough, you know the truth; you claim to live in Lagos but stay in the hinterland of Lagos, just know you’re setting yourself up for daily frustration and unnecessary headaches.
You can’t be living in Agbara and working in Lekki. That’s not a commute, that’s a spiritual journey.
The farther your apartment is from major roads or central routes, the more you’re likely to pay in transport, time, and tears.
Look for somewhere that won’t have you entering three buses, two okadas, and one keke before reaching work. Lagos is already stressful, don’t add to it with location wahala.
2. Leave your house like you’re preparing for war
Going out in Lagos? You better pack like you’re doing a short-term relocation.
You better not step out without an earpiece to block out noise cos it’s not you that should get frustrated with the sound of conductors hailing passengers, before entering any public vehicle, enter with change, because one frustrated somebody somewhere will say “kosi change,” an handkerchief or face wipes, because the kind of sweat that hits you inside danfo/korope is no respecter of person o, and lastly bottle water, because Lagos sun is not for the weak and your driver might not be patient for hawkers.
Anything less and you’re just setting yourself up.
3. Don’t trust Google Maps too much
Hmmm, Google might tell you it’s a 25-minute journey. Please laugh softly and add 1 hour to whatever ETA they give you. Just accept it. So you won’t cry. Because it doesn’t know that the BRT you’re about to enter will have a bus driver who is going to stop at every junction to argue with LASTMA. Because it doesn’t know LASTMA will cause commotion for nothing.
Google doesn’t even know the okada you’re about to board will stop mid-road to “buy fuel.”
Just leave early. Let peace reign.
4. Learn to form “madness” when necessary
This one is importanter.
In Lagos, if you’re too calm, people will use your head to play handball. Sometimes, you need to show small craze, not full madness, just enough to make them fear you small.
In the danfo, if someone is putting their hands behind your back and making you uncomfortable, you give them an evil eye and speak up.
When someone tries to jump your queue at the ATM, you code switch immediately “Oga, no try am o.”
Omo, instant respect.
You don’t have to fight, just form mad enough that they think twice.
5. Keep one small joy for the end of each day
Lagos will try to mentally and emotionally squeeze you out like a wet cloth. The secret is to have something that gives you small joy at the end of the day.
It could be spicy shawarma that is sold at the junction by that nwa boy that likes you and has to be washed down with one chilled Coke, that Netflix series you added to your watchlist or even just catching up with your bestie on the latest gist.
Whatever it is, let it remind you that you’re doing well. You survived Lagos again. And that’s no small feat.
One Last Thing
Lagos no easy. You can’t be soft and expect to survive here.
But let’s be honest, despite the chaos, the noise, and the traffic that makes you question your destiny, we still love this crazy city.
And if you don’t? Well… there’s always Ibadan.
