Ah, exes! The Femis and Cynthias of our world. Some stay haunting our playlists, some stay blocked, and some… Well, some are like cars, each one a ride we will never forget (for better or worse).
So, if your ex were a car, which one would they be? Let’s take a drive down memory lane.
G-Wagon — The Premium Package Heartbreak
This is the sturdy, luxurious ex we love to hate but deep down wish we could get back. They were premium from head to toe, the real “only one percent can afford” vibe. They served us top-tier breakfast though, but somehow, we still remember them fondly. It’s the type that gave you headaches but also raised your standards for life.
Toyota Corolla — The One That Got Away Quietly
This has got to be the underrated MVP. They were always available, kind, reliable, and because they made life so easy, we took them for granted (as usual). The Corolla ex was the soft landing we didn’t know we needed until we messed up and they drove off… quietly, respectfully, with all their peace of mind intact. They literally said, “You can’t stain my white o!”
Honda Accord — The Certified Public Mess
Omo, if chronic cheat & chaos was a person, it would be this ex. One tiny quarrel and it’s an explosion. Public embarrassment? Highway meltdowns? Random tantrums in front of family and friends? Yup. Like a worn-out Accord whose tires give way at the most critical times, this ex gave us pure stress and unrecoverable public L’s.
Bentley Continental GT — The Silent Blessing
The Bentley ex? Old money moves, quiet power, premium networks. They opened doors we didn’t even know existed. Yes, the relationship might be over, but deep down, you know that if you make that one call today, they will still pull strings for you without breaking a sweat. These ones are rare, and if na you fumble, better enter pray say dey forgive you o
Chevrolet Corvette — The Sexy Mistake
Fresh body, clean beard, drip drip every day… This ex had the looks, steeze, charm, and were the whole catalogue, literally Instagram-perfect, public-facing sweethearts. But deep down? They had Zero staying power. Everything was vibing except the important parts that was important to sustain a relationship; we are talking about loyalty, maturity, & real connection.
Range Rover Velar — The Glamorous Stress
These were the pure glam… Is it designers, opulence, or aesthetics? They always had it all, but were also very high maintenance. One second you are flaunting your “God when?” relationship, next second you are crying in your room because small battery don knock. These exes taught us that luxury doesn’t always equal peace of mind.
Toyota Camry 2009 (Muscle) — The Sweet Ride That Wore Out Fast
You know those ones that were so good in the beginning? Easy, soft, understanding. Then one day, boom, wahala from nowhere. This ex started strong but by the 6th month, they were rattling your spirit like an old steering wheel. It still hurts because the potential was right there, but the consistency didn’t last.
Mercedes-Benz C-Class — The Smooth Operator
This ex knew what to say, how to dress, how to enter the room and own it. They were sweet talkers, well-packaged, classy, but you later realized they had a few skeletons in the trunk. The were the master smooth operators, the full Benz experience, but they came packed with maintenance fees you were never emotionally prepared for.
Lexus RX 350 — The Slow Burner
At first, they didn’t even catch your eye because you were probably looking for the full package. They were low-key, simple, stress-free, but somewhere along the line after spending some time, you realized they were actually a 10/10. All All the things you had wanted be – comfort, reliability, good vibes, peace of mind, they were it. The heartbreak hurts because it took you too long to realize you had a real one. Anyways, e suppose hurt because it’s a classic example of “You don’t know what yo have until you loose it!”
Porsche Cayenne — The Unreachable Standard
They warned you o, but you no hear, just because dating them felt like a jackpot… Until you realized the pressure ti wa high and with them in came in unending doses. Omo, you were always trying to keep up — emotionally, financially, and socially. It was never enough. No matter what you did, you always felt two steps behind. Some exes are just not meant for the average hustler. Sha thank Gog it is over, so you finally breathe and save money.
In the end, whether your ex was a G-Wagon heartbreak or a Corolla comfort zone, every ride taught us a little something about love, loss, and why you should always check the engine before you take home the car for its bodywork.
Life goes on… and thankfully, there are always new cars (and maybe even Teslas) waiting at the next junction.
