Detty December is approaching, and you know what that means, IJGBs are already booking flights, polishing accents, practicing “I just got back” in front of the mirror, and preparing for their annual mission: emotional tourism.
Before you fall for the “Your smile is different” and “I’ve never met anyone like you before” lines, let’s reset your brain.
They Land With Premium Packaging
Once they touch down, their accent becomes stronger than airport Wi-Fi. Every sentence suddenly sounds like it was edited on Netflix.
This charm is not love. It’s branding. Top-tier branding.
The Love-Bombing Comes Fast
Three days into meeting them, you’ll hear:
“I feel safe with you.”
“We just… connect.”
Relax. He told the same thing to someone on the flight.
Their Agenda Has an Expiry Date
Let’s be honest: most IJGBs are not in Nigeria for life-changing romance. They came for sunlight, nightlife, food, and somebody to share blanket with during Harmattan bonding season.
Love isn’t on the itinerary. Enjoyment is.
Once They Fly Back, Network Will Spoil
You’ll text.
They’ll air you.
You’ll call.
They’ll say, “Oh sorry, time difference,” even though it’s one hour ahead.
After two weeks? Ghost mode activated.
Their Compliments Are Not Exclusive
You are not the most beautiful girl they’ve ever met. Calm down.
He said that in London. He repeated it in Toronto.
It’s part of their December starter pack.
They Treat December Like Summer Holiday
Clubs, concerts, lounges, they’re everywhere. Oversized shirt, crossbody bag, and TikTok sunglasses. If you fall in love within this period, you played yourself.
When the Ghosting Finally Hits
No closure. No message. No nothing.
Just silence and your memories of dancing together at a beach party.
And Here’s the Final Truth
IJGBs are great for cruise. They’re fun for gist. They’re perfect for December storyline.
You can join the cruise too, if that’s what you want.
But if you’re looking for love, loyalty and longevity, please go ahead… and get your heart broken in 4K.
Enjoy the moment if you must, but don’t let Detty December confuse you into thinking you’ve entered a long-term romance. IJGBs are seasonal, like rain, mangoes and fuel scarcity.
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