1. Wait, out of 365 days & 12months, January 1st is when you decided to drop from the womb?You’re a bombastic element.
2. But before we start, Happy womb escapeMake sure you get a handkerchief before you continue sliding
3. Now, Metaphorically, 1st of January is everyone’s birthday cos we all are legit thanking God for sparing our lives and not your lifeAnd we’re toasting to that in our respective homes
4. While you’re supposed to be getting happy birthday text & calls, its happy new year messages ya getting
5. Since Dec 20, you’ve subtly been posting pictures so people can use you as their DP. But No single soul has posted you. Instead you’re seeing Gratitude & Happy new year post
6. When you’re eager to open people’s status, thinking they’ve posted your pictures. only to find out that it is “Happy new year” upon Happy new year“Waste of data”
7. You invite people to come party with you and they tell you sorry, we’re celebrating new yearYou come over instead
8. Let’s not even deny the fact that your birthday just comes and goes like that. You’re not looking forward to your birthday after new year
9. No one would get you gifts cos they just spent a lot for Christmas & December shows. So they are trynna save up in the new yearNot even a tissue paper as a gift on my birthday to wipe these tears
10. You make a pot full of rice expecting people to come and eat but no one turned up cos people are busy celebrating & eating New Year food at homeSo you and your Bestie are here eating your food alone. What are Besties for anyway?
11. Technically, study shows that you were conceived on Labor/Workers day. When mommy and daddy were off at workTruly an idle hand is the devils workshop
12. So when you get married & you’re in bed with your spouse on Workers day & things are getting heat up but you deny him...“Cos I dont want a Happy new year child”
13. When your Man is not having any of that messed up excuses in bed...
14. After this list, when you see your parents...