1. On the low, people tell me I look like Burna Boy a lot
And I have this friend that is always gingering me to make money off it. He said he would be my manager
2. I considered it after so much persuasion. Now that Burna Boy is on Dreads, our starter pack is to get a wig looking like dreads and Weed
Why wig? Because obviously my hair was very short for dreads
3. So I started doing shows with my wig on, going on tours and even signing my autograph on some fine girls boobs
This celebrity life sweet o
4. I toured Uniport, Uniben, Futa, ABUAD, NOUN, OAU, UNICAL, Caleb, Bowen, Lautech and OSU
All these schools legit believed I was Burna boy
5. DELSU & BABCOCK girls were disturbing me to sign on their boobs! Unilorin girls offered to sleep in my hotel room overnight.
Ui girls nko? Those ones just wanted to be my Baby mama
6. After touring around, it was time to shutdown LASU! and finish it up with Unilag. I got to Lasu, everything was fine until I was about performing my last song “Gbona”. That’s how this heavy wind from Hell blew my wig off
I was just on the stage waiting for the ground to open so I can enter
7. Lasu students from different angles were like, “who be this?”
Someone from nowhere said “Owo ti Jono”
8. I wanted to cover it up quickly with “Wendy gbedu dey enta body...” that’s how the Student union president grabbed me and made hot slap enter my body with his bricklayer palm
I was able to receive the slap & fought my way through before others would storm the stage
9. So your favorite Burna boy started running for his dear life. Meanwhile, my manager has disappeared since Yawa don dey
All the pretty girls that I knacked before the show & the ones that have booked me for the night too started chasing me
10. After a long run, they caught up with me and beat their 500,000naira out of my body
It was this day I realized my “Ye” is different
11. The next morning, I didn’t know where I was but I know I was seeing drip, Syringe and stretchers everywhere
12. While I was battling for my life, my phone rang. It was my manager calling to tell me to prepare for the last show on our tour list.
Madafucka said “Your fans are waiting for you”. I hung up on him cos if only he knew how I am close to Heaven’s gate right now
13. The nurse came to bring food for me and took the food back. She did that about 5 times. The 6th time I screamed “Nurse! Wah da feck?! bring my food na”
14. She said “oh you’re awake? I didn’t know. All the time, it looked like you were still sleeping...”
I replied No, that’s my real face
15. One of the Doctors came in and said, “Oh we have a Chinese patient in the building, we would need a Chinese Interpreter to communicate”
I replied; Doctor, I’m not Chinese. Please stop
16. As if that was not enough, 2 male nurses that are football lovers came in and were star struck...
“Park Ji Sung is that you? The other one answered “No it is SON from Tottenham” “Omg, we’re your biggest fan, Can we get a selfie please”
17. The most painful one was when the hospital cleaners came in to clean my ward. One of them was shocked when she saw me. she started yelling to her fellow cleaner...
“Fogg mehn! Ah don’t know wah dey did to this guy eyes, the eyes is jus closin-oin-own”
18. At this point, when the real doctor came to start work, I just told him, “remove the life support...
So I can gwan kee mysef