If you’ve spent even one week commuting in Lagos, you already know that bus conductors are their own category of chaos. One minute they’re calling you “customer,” the next, they’re shouting at you like you owe them rent. But instead of letting them ruin your day, there are a few survival tactics that can help you stay calm, collected, and in control.
Always have your change
Not just vibes. Nothing invites drama faster than entering a danfo with N1,000 when the fare is N300. Conductors don’t want to hear stories. They’ll either ignore you the whole ride or embarrass you halfway through by shouting, “Customer wey no get change, come down!” Avoid the shame. Get your money broken before boarding — from the mallam, POS, or even pure water sellers.
Confirm the price before you enter
In Lagos, transport fare can jump unexpectedly — especially when there’s traffic or rain. Don’t assume based on yesterday’s price. Ask the conductor clearly, repeat it back to them, and say it loud enough for witnesses. That “Oshodi 500, abi?” might save you from a price war later.
Pick your battles wisely
No matter how calm your morning starts, a conductor can push you to the edge. But arguing with someone who’s hanging halfway out of a moving bus, sweating, shouting, and somehow still chewing gum? It’s not worth it. You might win the argument, but lose your peace. Silence and a sharp look can sometimes do more than shouting back.
Choose your seat with intention
If you don’t want drama, don’t sit where drama lives. Front seat passengers often become assistant conductors, helping to pass money and change. Door-side seats? Risky — you could be pushed out when tempers rise. Middle seats by the window are the safest zone: minimal contact, maximum peace.
Pay early and clearly
Don’t wait until the bus is halfway through the journey before paying. That’s when confusion and accusations begin. When you pay, be clear: say your destination out loud, look the conductor in the eye, and hand over the money with confidence. In Lagos, everything is about receipts — even if it’s verbal.
Don’t expect courtesy
Conductors are not trained in customer service. They’re not going to say “sorry,” “please,” or “thank you.” They may even insult you for asking a question. Don’t take it personal. Just protect your peace and move like you didn’t hear them.
Wear headphones even if they’re not working
This tiny trick can do wonders. It helps you zone out from unnecessary drama and gives you a solid excuse not to respond to random shouts like “Shift!” or “Madam, hold this thing.” Your headset is your barrier. Use it.
And if it gets serious, Record it
If you’re being threatened or disrespected and you know you’re right, bring out your phone. Conductors might not respect you, but they fear going viral. The moment you start recording, their tone might suddenly change. But of course, only do this if you’re safe and surrounded by people.
At the end of the day, Lagos is not for the weak. But with the right moves, you can navigate public transport without losing your mind. The goal is to arrive at your destination — not just physically, but mentally intact. Because once you let a conductor drag you into a shouting match at 7:45 AM, your whole day is already scattered. Move smart, carry change, and most importantly, guard your peace like it’s the last jollof at a wedding.
