If you’ve survived Lagos roads without crying, losing your sanity, or abandoning your car forever, congratulations! You are now a certified Lagos driver.
Here are the signs that prove you’ve fully adapted to the madness:
1. Honking is Your Love Language
You honk when moving.
You honk when stopping.
You honk for fun.
You honk even when parked!
Why? Because silence is suspicious in Lagos traffic. If your horn isn’t working, you feel naked.
2. Traffic Rules Are Just Vibes
Road signs? More like decoration.
Lanes? Created by imagination.
One-way? Only if someone is watching!
You’ve learned that Lagos driving is about survival, not rules.
Lagos driving is all about improvisation, courage, and knowing when to speed up, slow down, or pray.
3. You’ve Perfected the “Oga, Shift” Shout
In Lagos, politeness won’t get you anywhere. You must master:
“Oga, shift abeg!”
“Aunty, move now!”
“I no go jam you, calm down!”
Once you can yell these while multitasking, you’ve made it.
4. Danfo Drivers Can’t Shock You Anymore
You’ve seen it all. Danfo drivers reversing on a highway? Normal.
A bus squeezing into a space meant for a bicycle? Standard behavior.
At this point, nothing surprises you, you just accept it and move on.
5. You Can Buy Anything in Traffic
You’re stuck in go-slow, but that’s fine—because you can buy:
Food
Phone chargers
Slippers
A whole mattress!
Forget shopping malls. Traffic vendors bring the market to you!
6. You Know the Magic Words for LASTMA Officers
If a LASTMA officer approaches your car, you don’t panic. You simply say:
“Oga, I be your guy na!”
“Abeg, make we run am like family!”
“Oga, weekend don reach o!” (Accompanied by a mysterious handshake)
Works every time.
7. If You Survive Lagos Roads, You Can Drive Anywhere!
Lagos driving teaches you patience, courage, negotiation skills, and survival instincts.
If you can navigate these streets, you can drive in New York, London, or even Mars!
Welcome to Lagos driver elite status!
