“You can’t relate because you’re not married.” The most unnecessary sentence of all time.
There’s a strange phenomenon that happens once the ring enters the picture, some friendships take a backseat like they were never part of the ride. Your once very available friend suddenly becomes “hard to reach,” “always busy,” or worse “now sees things differently because he/she is married.”
But is marriage really the villain? Or do people just use it as a good excuse to ghost?
Let’s hear it from people who’ve been there.
Adesua, 26
When my best friend of over 20 years got married, I didn’t notice the change at first. It was gradual, fewer hangouts, excuses about being “too tired,” and suddenly, her place became off-limits. Next thing I’m hearing, “You won’t understand, you’re not married.”
Ahn ahn. It’s like that now?
Before I could process what was happening, she had crowned herself “Madam Advice Giver,” always dishing out unsolicited takes like she collected wisdom from the altar alongside her bouquet.
I’m genuinely happy for her o, but does tying the knot mean cutting off everyone who isn’t?
Kayode, 36
I’ll be honest, when I got married, I didn’t even realize how distant I became from my friends. Not intentionally though.
I didn’t have many close friends to begin with, but marriage gave me this whole new comfort. My wife became my gist partner, planner, hangout buddy, and everything.
So when the boys call to hang out, I always say “next time” not because I don’t rate them, but I’d rather order food and wine for my woman than sit in one overpriced lounge shouting over loud music.
My priorities changed. Call it boring, I call it peace.
Ehiz, 29
To be honest, marriage has a way of swallowing your social life especially in the early days.
Our first child came before our one-year anniversary. And bro, that meant both of us were neck-deep in diapers, sleepless nights, and managing work-life wahala. Nothing prepares you for that kind of tag team stress.
I started missing hangouts and skipping calls, not because I didn’t value my friends, but because my brain wasn’t even braining.
Eventually, my wife and I had a real conversation about not letting parenting erase who we were before the baby. Balance became our watchword. We now include our friends in our plans, because we realized our marriage shouldn’t exist in isolation. And, even if we can’t go out, we schedule catch-ups.
Ruth, 40
Let me be real, some married women switch up and become condescending the moment you’re not “one of them.”
You suddenly become the “naive single friend,” your advice doesn’t count, your opinions don’t hold weight, and any suggestion you give is met with “you’ll understand when you’re married.”
It’s giving superiority complex and I’m not here for it.
Friendship is not a marital competition. And if being unmarried disqualifies me from having sense, please count me out of your bride squad. Some of us are single, not senseless.
Timeyin, 25
My wife once asked me why I stopped seeing some of my friends. I told her “it’s not marriage that ruined it, life just got real.”
We got married quite young, and we are still learning how to navigate life.
The bills don’t pay themselves, work stress is crazy, and emotional bandwidth is limited.
But lately, I’ve started texting my guys again. Sometimes, one “how you dey?” text is all it takes to reconnect. Marriage didn’t make me unavailable, I just didn’t realise how far I drifted.
Bottom Line
Whether you’re single, married, or somewhere in between, one truth stands, relationships need intentionality. Marriage isn’t supposed to steal your identity or cancel your friendships.
Yes, priorities change. But friendship is not something you outgrow because you exchanged vows.
If anything, your partner should add to your community, and not subtract from it.
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