Ekene Aka
Nigerian moms, a whole different breed! They wear many hats: chef, doctor, teacher, disciplinarian, and most importantly, the undisputed champions of “yabbing” (playful teasing). This “yabbing” extends to their children, who are often bestowed with hilarious nicknames that stick for life. Here are 10 such nicknames that will have any Nigerian nodding their head in recognition:
1. “Agidi” (Pap): This one’s for the child who seems to have an insatiable appetite, forever reaching for another helping of “agidi” (cornmeal porridge). You might hear, “Agidi, come finish your chores!”
2. “Oyinbo” (White person): This nickname is often given to a child who is perceived as fair-skinned compared to their siblings or has a particular affinity for Western culture. Be prepared to hear, “Oyinbo, stop copying everything they do!”
3. Fine Girl/Boy for Nothing: This seemingly contradictory term is a backhanded compliment. It implies that the child, despite their good looks, isn’t utilizing their potential. Be prepared for the follow-up, “You fine like this, but you no fit (can’t) even pass your exams?”
4. “Drama Queen/King”: This one’s reserved for the child who throws elaborate tantrums or has a flair for the dramatic. Get ready for, “Drama Queen, stop crying over nothing!”
5. “Professor” (Sarcastic): This nickname, dripping with sarcasm, goes to the child who constantly asks questions or seems to know everything (in their own mind). Brace yourself for, “Professor, when will you ever stop asking questions?”
6. Champion Scatter-Scatter (Scatter-Scatter): This nickname is awarded to the child who leaves a trail of destruction wherever they go. Think toys, clothes, and general mayhem. Get ready for the frustrated, “Champion Scatter-Scatter, come and pick up this mess you created!”
7. “I-too-know” (Know-it-all): This nickname targets the child who acts like they know everything, often interrupting or correcting others. Expect to hear, “I-too-know, will you let your elders finish talking?”
8. “China” (Expensive): This nickname is for the child who seems to break or lose things easily, making them a “financial burden” on their parents. You might hear, “China, how many phones have you broken this year?”
9. “Chairman/Chairperson” (Boss): This playful nickname is given to a child who takes charge, exhibits leadership qualities, or loves giving orders. Be prepared for, “Chairman, who told you to boss your siblings around?”
10. Professor of Noise Making: This nickname is self-explanatory. It’s awarded to the child whose decibel levels consistently rival a local market. Be prepared for the classic, “Professor, can you tone down the noise pollution a bit?”
These are just a few examples of the many hilarious nicknames Nigerian moms use. They are a testament to the unique bond between mother and child, filled with love, laughter, and a healthy
