Ekene Aka
So you’ve decided to japa back home. But before you start arranging your owambe and stocking up on Indomie, hold your horses and brace yourself. Moving back to Nigeria, the land of “wahala be like bicycle,” comes with its own unique set of experiences. Here’s the gist on 10 things no one tells you, but you need to know:
- Culture Shock is Real, Even for You: You might think you left Naija yesterday, but trust me, things change. From the latest slang (omo, “gbas gbos” is not your grandma’s wahala) to the hustle mentality that’s on overdrive, be prepared for a mental shift. Remember, “e get as e be.”
Tip: Embrace the change! Ask questions, laugh at the funny things (trust me, there will be plenty), and don’t be afraid to say, “Wetin dis one mean?”
- Bureaucracy: Your New Nemesis: Brace yourself for a tango with “oga madam” and endless paperwork. Patience is your best friend, and having a “sharp guy” on your side wouldn’t hurt either. Remember, “man no man” can help you navigate the maze.
Tip: Keep copies of everything, smile even when you want to cry, and bribe the gods of patience with plenty of egusi soup.
- Hidden Costs are Like Agbero Fees: You budgeted for rent, food, and transport, but wait, there’s more! Generator fuel, “egunje” (bribes), and that random “development levy” your landlord throws your way. Remember, “no be everything them go tell you.”
Tip: Negotiate like your life depends on it, have a small “buffer” fund for surprises, and remember, sometimes “wahala no dey finish.”
- Power Play: Embrace the Generator Lifestyle: Get used to the sweet serenade of your generator, because “NEPA” is more of a suggestion than a reality.
Tip: Invest in a good inverter, become friends with your neighbours who have generators, and remember, load shedding is a national sport.
- Traffic: Lagos No Be for the Faint of Heart: If you thought rush hour in London was bad, buckle up, because Lagos traffic is a whole different beast. Remember, “Na hustle we dey hustle.”
Tip: Leave early, embrace audiobooks and podcasts, and remember, sometimes “detty December” starts in February.
- Food: The Good, the Bad, and the Indomie: You’ll miss your fancy foreign cheese, but trust me, the taste of jollof rice and suya will make you forget all about it. Remember, “e shock you, e taste you.”
Tip: Explore local markets, try new things (even if it’s just the smell), and remember, Indomie will always be there for you.
- Family: Prepare for the Warm Fuzzies (and the Occasional Drama): Aunty Ngozi will be thrilled to see you, but be prepared for endless questions about your “oyibo” life. Remember, “family first, wahala second.”
Tip: Set boundaries politely, embrace the warmth, and remember, sometimes “e go loud gan.”
- Business: The Hustle is Real: Thinking of starting a business? The opportunities are endless, but the competition is fierce. Remember, “sharpness na key.”
Tip: Do your research, network like crazy, and remember, “no be wetin you know, na who you know.”
- Security: Stay Woke: Unfortunately, petty theft and scams are a reality. Be aware of your surroundings, trust your gut, and remember, “safety first, enjoyment later.”
Tip: Don’t flaunt valuables, have a trusted security system, and remember, “street smart na survival.”
- The Power of Community: You’ll miss your friends abroad, but you’ll find a new kind of connection here. The warmth, the laughter, the “we-can-do-it” spirit – it’s something special. Remember, “together we strong.”
Tip: Get involved in your community, make new friends, and remember, “Naija spirit no be beans.”
Moving back to Nigeria is an adventure, and like any adventure, it comes with its ups and downs. But with the right mindset, a sprinkle of humor, and a healthy dose of “Naija know-how,” you’ll be navigating the streets like a pro in no time. Just remember, “no be everything them go tell you,” but hopefully, this list gave you a head.
