Ekene Aka
The art of old-school bonding over verbal conversation seems to be dying as the digital age continues to flourish. In an average family where children go to school and parents work outside the home, there is minimal quality time with a kid. When you remove the time spent on homework, bathing, and making dinner that really leaves 35 minutes of face-to-face time. Then they grow up into their teen years and parents are left baffled by the disconnect with the time that passed by.
Reclaiming these times spent together to make memorable, strong, and hopefully positive bonds are crucial. This is why table talk is so important. It really is a skill to create small talk because no child wants to be asked about the weather, and no parent enjoys one-word answers teens. It can be frustrating and difficult when taking the step to reconnect with the people around you.
Here are 5 conversation starters that can help you get a better understanding of what is going on in your child’s life along with brief descriptions of why they are crucial:
- What is an event you are looking forward to in the near future?
- Who are you most excited to see there?
- What are you most excited to participate in?
- How do you think this experience will change you?
- What are your expectations for this plan?
This question helps keep parents up to date on what is going on in a child’s life. It allows the opportunity to get all the information parents need to know to be assured their child will be safe during their plans. It also sets up a follow-up conversation after the event to see if everything went the way they wanted.
- What is that song or artist you are really into listening to lately?
- Who sings it?
- How did the song or album come to fruition?
- Why do you like it? Is it what you want to be or is it something you already relate to? Does it just sound cool?
- What is your favorite part of the song, album, or artist collection?
- Is there a reason for the themes of the songs you are listening to lately?
This question allows for a better understanding of the child’s psyche. Often times the theme of the music a child is listening to can say a lot about what they are going through emotionally. Everything from just having fun being a kid to a very upsetting encounter that happened without a parent’s knowledge. Asking about the music they listen to is a great gateway to deeper conversation.
- How proud are you of your accomplishments as of late?
- Was it difficult?
- How did you get over your obstacles?
- How does it make you feel?
- What new skills did you have to learn and hone?
This question allows the child to include the parents in their successes. Core memories are created over celebrating successes and there is no better way to bond with a child than being a part of that. It allows parents to see their child’s growth and relay how proud they can be of their child. It also demonstrates to the parents how the child may see themselves.
- What skill did you learn outside of school as of late that you wish you learned sooner?
- Is there a skill you want to learn outside of school?
- How can we make this happen?
Often times the one-word answer teenager appears when parents ask, “How was school?“. This question changes it up and demonstrates genuine interest in what the child is doing and how they are maturing into an individual. It also opens up more bonding time by finding new opportunities to do something together. Learn something new with one another.
- What challenges are you facing lately?
- What is your approach going to be?
- What approaches have you already taken?
- How long do you have to resolve it?
- Do you want advice on the matter?
This question opens up an opportunity to build trust. It demonstrates to the child that the parents are always willing to be their rock when things get tough. It shows children that parents can treat them with maturity and trust. This, in turn, allows the child to reciprocate and do the same.
The key to a conversation is being genuine. Make sure they know you actually care enough to know about the specifics. A good conversation should provide an opportunity to connect and bond as well as spark thoughts that could carry on in the child’s mind even after the encounter. Note that every child is going to be different and some children are going to be more receptive than others. It can take time and can be frustrating, especially if they are already more dependent on their connections outside of their home.
Don’t give up. Let them know that you will be there for them when they do come back around. Everyone grows at their own pace and is going through something different. Sometimes parents can lose sight of how difficult a child’s psychological and social development can be during the teen years. With so much hormone running around at that age as well, sometimes what they really need is patience. Remember, parents need to demonstrate consideration and respect in order for children to learn what it is and replicate it. Short conversations open up the opportunity to bond with a child as a young individual and show them that they are more than just kids.
