Budget Who? This Is Vibes and Inshallah Money

Salary has finally entered. Your bank just texted you that beautiful “credit alert” message, and suddenly, you’re walking like someone that owns three properties in Banana Island. Confidence on 100. You’re already planning your soft life. These are the ways to spend the salary like the big man/ woman that you are:

First stop? Brunch. You haven’t even removed your work shoes, but you’re already texting the group chat: “Guys, outside this weekend?” Because obviously, this salary was meant to be enjoyed who rent help?

You ignore all adult responsibilities. That electricity bill? Unseen. Data subscription? We’ll cross that bridge when Netflix stops loading. Your landlord is typing “Dear esteemed tenant…” but you’ve blocked him in your heart. You’re protecting your peace.

You transfer ₦120k to a vendor for something you saw on Instagram that you “must buy now now” before it finishes. You’ve been broke for three weeks, but now you want to reward yourself for surviving. And honestly? Valid.

Out of nowhere, you remember that one random person who sent you “Hi” in January. You reply: “Send your account, make I bless you small.” Because that ₦2k giveaway makes you feel like Dangote with a heart.

Before you know it, your account balance is looking at you like, “Is this your king?” You still have three weeks left in the month, but you’re eating dry garri and calling it “intentional fasting.”

Of course, the blame shifts; “it’s Nigeria’s fault”. The economy is hard. The government did not teach us how to budget (as how na government suppose teach you that one). The price of eggs increased again (na today). How do they expect us to survive?(dey there dey ask question)

But don’t worry. You’ll do it all over again next month, and the month after that, because adulting is a cycle of vibe, regret, and rice with no meat.

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