Just when many prospective corps members were mentally preparing themselves to survive three weeks of NYSC orientation camp, reports that the Federal Government is considering extending the stay to six weeks have left many asking the same question: “What exactly did we do?”
I pity those who refused to attend camp on reasons that the three weeks was too long for them, laughing in Efik.
f you’ve ever attended camp, you already know those three weeks feel like three months. Now imagine doubling it.
Three Weeks Already Feels Like a Lifetime
There’s something about NYSC camp that completely changes your relationship with time.
On paper, it’s just three weeks, in your mind, e no long at all.
But n reality? Olololo
By the fourth day, it feels like you’ve been living there since secondary school and never got the chance for a mid-term.
The moment you hear that loud trumpet at an ungodly hour, your body starts questioning every life decision that led you there. You’re still trying to remember your own name when someone is already shouting,
“Corpers! To the parade ground!”
You not even recovered from the previous parade that almost took your soul, another one has started.
Now imagine doing that for six weeks.
Brethren of the Most High , at that point, camp is no longer orientation. It’s a academic programme.
Who Wants to March Under the Sun for Six Weeks?
Let’s even talk about the parade.
Who invented the idea that the best way to prepare graduates for nation-building is by roasting them under the Nigerian sun?
Every morning, you’re outside standing in formation while the sun is doing its own military training on your skin.
Then comes the famous command we’ve all heard one too many times:
“Remove headdress!”
You remove it.
Two minutes later…
“Wear headdress!”
Five minutes later…
“Remove headdress!”
At some point, you stop asking questions and just surrender your destiny to the call.
Now imagine extending that routine to six weeks?
Some of us will graduate from Corp members to roasted plantain.
SAED Classes Already Test People’s Faith
Let’s not even pretend.
There are interesting SAED sessions, especially the theory part where you get to do some activities.
Then there is the objective aspect, that’s where you meet those facilitators that never get tired of talking, and your eyelids will begin negotiating with you.
You tell yourself you’ll just close your eyes for two seconds.
The next thing you hear is,
“Corper, stand up!”
Now imagine sitting through those classes for another three weeks.
Even the chairs will become tired of seeing us.
Mammy Market Will Become Our Permanent Address
If camp is extended, somebody should just allocate house numbers in Mammy Market.
Because that’s where everyone eventually ends up.
Breakfast?
Mammy.
Lunch?
Mammy.
Dinner?
Mammy.
Emotional support after parade?
Still Mammy.
At six weeks, the food vendors will probably know your order before you even speak.
One woman will start asking,
The Real Winners Will Be the Vendors
While prospective corps members are busy calculating how they’ll survive six weeks, one group will be smiling from ear to ear.
The vendors.
The people selling Indomie.
The woman frying akara.
The POS operator.
The photographer charging ā¦2,000 because you suddenly remembered you need a passport photograph.
These people will become the real beneficiaries of the extension.
By the time camp ends, they’ll probably miss us more than our parents do.
POP Will Feel Like a Dream
One funny thing about NYSC is that some people arrive at orientation camp already dreaming about POP.
They collect their kits today.
Tomorrow they’re asking,
“How many days remaining?”
Not because camp is terrible.
It’s just… intense.
It’s waking up before sunrise.
Bathing in record time.
Standing in queues that look like they qualify for Guinness World Records.
Sharing hostels with people who snore.
Three weeks is already enough to produce stories you’ll tell for years.
Do we really need six?
Just So You Know
Whether it’s three weeks or six, every corps member will still leave camp with one thing in common, stories.
Stories about platoon wahala.
Stories about Mammy Market.
Stories about friendships that started over borrowed buckets.
Stories about the soldier that seemed to have a personal issue with your platoon.
NYSC orientation camp has always been one of those experiences you complain about while you’re there but somehow laugh about years later.
But if the proposal to extend it eventually becomes reality, prospective corps members may need more than mosquito nets, white tees and white shorts.
They’ll need endurance.
And perhaps… a therapist.
Because six weeks is enough to make anyone start questioning whether collecting that NYSC certificate is truly important.
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