5 Lessons to Learn Before the Year Ends
As the year slowly comes to an end, it’s time to reflect on the lessons we’ve learnt, the people we’ve entertained unnecessarily, and the amount of stress we’ve volunteered to carry for other people.
Some of us have spent the entire year explaining ourselves to people who were never interested in understanding us. We’ve attended meetings we didn’t want to attend, answered questions that were none of our business, and allowed people to cross boundaries because we didn’t want to appear rude.
But enough is enough.
As we prepare to enter a new year, it’s time for a little character development. And no, we’re not asking you to become a terrible human being. We’re simply saying that being nice should not mean being available for everybody’s nonsense.
It’s time to be wicked, relevant and completely unavailable for unnecessary drama. Here are five lessons to help you get started.
1. Don’t Send Anyone’s Olori-Ebi
One thing you need to understand before the year ends is that you are not employed to impress everybody’s family.
Not their mother, not their father, not their uncle who has been married for 35 years, and definitely not their olori-ebi.
If you make a decision and someone doesn’t like it, that’s fine. You don’t have to organise a family meeting, prepare a PowerPoint presentation to convince them.
People will always have opinions about how you should live your life. Some will even recruit their relatives to help you see reason. But unless they are paying your bills or taking responsibility for your decisions, you don’t have to let their opinions become your life instructions.
Respect people, but stop allowing everybody to have a vote in your personal affairs.
2. Stop Every Shalaye FC Behaviour
If you belong to the Shalaye FC, it’s time to resign.
You know the routine. Someone asks you to do something, and instead of simply saying no, you start explaining how your generator is faulty, your landlord is disturbing you, your salary hasn’t entered, and your village people have been working overtime.
Before you know it, you’ve told someone your entire financial history just because you couldn’t decline an invitation.
Listen, not every decision needs a backstory. You don’t have to explain why you don’t want to attend a party, lend someone money, take up extra responsibilities or participate in something that doesn’t interest you.
Sometimes, “I won’t be able to make it” is a complete sentence.
Stop writing essays to people who only asked a yes-or-no question. Save your storytelling skills for something that pays.
3. Ogbeni, Learn to Say NO With Your Full Chest
Some people have turned you into their personal customer service representative because they know you struggle to say no.
They call you when they need money, help moving houses, someone to cover their shift, or someone to listen to their relationship problems for the 15th time. And somehow, you’re always available.
Ogbeni, who sent you?
You need to understand that saying no doesn’t make you wicked. It simply means you have recognised your limits.
You can love someone and still decline their request. You can care about a friend without lending them money you don’t have. You can be a supportive colleague without accepting every task that lands on your desk.
The next time someone asks you for something you genuinely cannot do, resist the urge to start negotiating with yourself.
Say no. Put your phone down. Drink water and drop cup. Continue your day.
4. Mind Your Business Like Your Rent Is Due
In the coming year, we are retiring from unnecessary investigations.
You don’t need to know why two people unfollowed each other, why your colleague came to work looking sad, or why somebody’s relationship status suddenly changed from engaged to single.
If the information does not concern you, your finances, your safety or your responsibilities, you can leave it alone.
Some people have turned minding other people’s business into a full-time job. They know who is dating whom, who has been promoted, who is pregnant, who is owing money and who attended whose birthday party.
Meanwhile, their own life is waiting for an intervention.
Please, redirect that investigative energy towards your goals. If you have time to monitor somebody’s relationship, you have time to learn a new skill, update your CV or finally organise that wardrobe.
Mind your business with the same seriousness you use when your landlord reminds you of your rent.
5. Set Clear Boundaries (Make See Finish No Enter)
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is allowing people to become so comfortable with you that they forget you deserve respect.
You answer calls at unreasonable hours, tolerate disrespectful jokes, accept last-minute demands and keep forgiving behaviour that should have been addressed a long time ago.
Then, when you finally speak up, you’re suddenly the wicked one.
Well, congratulations!
If you don’t like people showing up at your house unannounced, say so. If you don’t appreciate being called only when someone needs a favour, address it. If someone repeatedly disrespects you, you are allowed to create distance.
You don’t have to fight everybody, but you also don’t have to give everybody unlimited access to you.
Make it clear that being friendly does not mean being available for rubbish.
Sha Know
As the year comes to an end, remember that you don’t need to carry everybody’s expectations into the new year.
You can be kind without being a pushover, helpful without becoming everybody’s emergency contact, and respectful without allowing people to take you for granted.
So, as you prepare for your next chapter, drop the unnecessary explanations, retire from Shalaye FC, learn to say no and mind your business.
We are not saying you should become wicked in the real sense of the word. We are simply saying that your peace deserves protection, too.
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