Let People Sleep Abeg: A Saturday Morning Rant

Friday was chaotic. Deliverables stacked like JAMB questions, rain fell like it had beef with humanity, and as usual, bus drivers used the opportunity to charge like they’re collecting rent per seat. You finally squeezed yourself into a keke, held back tears and sweat, and got home around 10PM.

Your plan was simple: wake up whenever your body says it’s time, eat last night’s rice, and scroll aimlessly on IG till you doze off again.

But apparently, your compound people had a different idea.

Enter: Mummy Twins and Her Dusty Microphone

Before 7AM, the broom has already started dragging the floor like say dem dey rehearse for Ojude Oba. Who is it? None other than Mummy Twins, self-appointed sanitation supervisor and vocal coach.

And where is she sweeping? Directly beside your window.

To add insult to already-insulted injury, she’s belting gospel songs like she’s live on Facebook. Not the correct lyrics o. No. She’s remixing everything, even the angels in heaven are confused.

“I am a friend of God… I am a friend of Gaaawwwwddd… I am a fried of God”
Ma, please. Rest.

Can’t You Sweep Quietly Like Other Adults?

Why can’t you just… sweep silently?
Use your broom in peace. Must the broom sound like it’s scratching cement from 1982?

Why must we all suffer because you chose chaos this early morning?

You’d think sweeping was a competition of who can wake the entire compound.
Ah ah. You no get conscience???

Is It a Crime to Sleep In?

See, we’re not fighting sanitation. Clean your house, madam. Sweep your corridor. But don’t make it your life’s mission to wake every young person who is just trying to recover from the week’s madness.

Some of us are not jobless housewives that enjoy disturbing people’s peace with morning dust concerts.

And even if we were, can we rest in peace, while alive??

Final Thoughts Before I Go Back to Sleep

Let people sleep, abegg. Saturday is not Monday. It’s not even a warning signal. It is a soft space for recovery. For 9–5ers to sleep past 7. For young adults to reconnect with their pillow.

If you must sweep, sweep with conscience.

Because one more early-morning remix beside my window, and I’ll be forced to record you and send it to EFCC. And I won’t explain why.

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