You see this life ehn?
Nobody warns you that there’d be a day when your stress won’t be from KPIs and deliverables, but from a WhatsApp group chat created “for work purposes” that somehow turned into an emotional playground.
When I first joined the team, they said, “Please drop your number so we’ll add you to the group.” I didn’t know they meant the group where being silent is suspicious and responding late is grounds for spiritual side-eye.
Grab your popcorn, because e chokeeeeee.
- The “Good Morning Fam” Clique
Every day by 7:02 AM sharp, someone must type “Good morning fam”.
First of all, who is fam? Who told you we’re family? Do we bear the same surname? Shior
God help you if you don’t respond, next thing you’ll hear is, “Some people don’t even have courtesy in this group again o.” Aunty plisssss, I’m still getting dressed!
2. The Passive-Aggressive Reminders
You’ll open the group chat to be met with “gentle reminder to everyone to engage with the LinkedIn post,” or “just checking if anyone saw my message above”
Omo, you’ll just start vexing because you’re asking yourself, what in heaven’s name are you doing on this group chat???
3. The Over-Zealous Emoji Boss
There’s always that person that always replies to every update with a laughing emoji or a thumbs up. Uncle,can’t you see the message and react, must you reply???
You’ll type, “Sent the invoice to the admin,” and next thing, “Well done boss” with an emoji, please relax. I’m already underpaid. Don’t clap for me, clap for HR to increase my salary.
4. The Weekend Summons
On Saturday morning, you decided to sleep in as per na weekend e be, but at 8:17 AM, you get a notification from the group chat, “hey guys, can we quickly jump on a Zoom call by 10?”
Ahh!!!
As how nau???
I’m not understanding, Quickly ke????
That doesn’t exist in my dictionary o. Sir, I intend to sleep away the day and that I’ll do. Next time, please give me notice abeg.
5. The Group Name That Overcompensates
“Cruise & Productivity Team”
Lies!!!
All lies o!!
Just rename it into “Corporate Slavery.”
What productivity kini??? When we are just stressed and forming on it.
Bottom Line
If you’ve never muted your office WhatsApp group and blamed it on “network issues,” are you even truly employed in Nigeria?
But we moveeeee.
Now excuse me y’all, I just saw a “Please don’t ignore” text I’ve ignored for 3 days.
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