Because sometimes even earphones can’t save you from Uncle “HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME??”
If there’s one thing Nigerians are known for, apart from jollof rice supremacy and having opinions about everything, it’s being loud and never keeping things lowkey. We love loud entrances, loud conversations, loud music, and even louder phone calls. We don’t whisper. We announce. Our presence is always felt, even when nobody asks for it.
Now don’t get it twisted, we wear our loudness like a badge of honour. “Naija no dey carry last” isn’t just a slogan, it’s a personality trait.
But honestly, sometimes? We too dey loud abegggg.
Especially… on the phone.
Because once that call enters, it’s no longer a conversation, it becomes a debate, a sermon, a live radio broadcast.
Let’s paint a picture.
You’ve had a long day at work. The kind that tests your character and shakes your home training. You’ve argued with the HR, gotten five “gentle reminder” emails, and had the kind of day that drains your energy and makes you question your career path.
All you want now is peace.
Work has ended and you just want to plug in your earphones, zone out, and enjoy your keke ride home in peace.
Nothing more.
But no.
One uncle somewhere has received a call and decides it’s time to shout his life story into the phone, and it’s not just any call. It’s the kind that must shake the foundation of the keke.
From nowhere, you hear: “HELLO? YES, I’M INSIDE K-E-K-E!! EHEN, TELL AM SAY I NO GREE! I NO GREE!”
Oga why na?!
Even if the network is bad, must you scream like you’re in a shouting competition?
The person he’s calling is probably in Yaba, but from the way he’s screaming, you’re wondering if he’s calling the person in heaven or trying to win an argument in Oshodi while seated in Ikeja.You increase your music volume, but his voice is still louder than Burna Boy shouting “Odogwu!” in your ear. You’re not even part of the conversation but now you know his wife didn’t cook, his full name, and how one man is owing him ₦250k.
And he’s not alone.
What’s worse? These calls usually happen in small spaces. Inside keke. Inside danfo. In bank queues. In the salon. In the church compound! Nigerians can shout anywhere, it’s like we think shouting improves reception. Like maybe if you scream hard enough, MTN will get their act together. Or maybe you believe that raising your voice makes your point more valid. Volume na conviction.
E don too much.
What’s worse? These calls are never short. Rara o.
And don’t get me started on the drama. You go dey fear say fight wan break out.
But really, what’s our excuse?
Please let’s reduce the noise. The stress of this country is already loud enough, your voice doesn’t need to join the choir.
0 Comments