Politicians suddenly become generous with when elections are around the corner.
That time has come again.
Why is it that Nigerian politicians always remember to share foodstuff when elections are getting close?
Suddenly, somebody who hasn’t seen your street since the last election is now appearing with bags of rice, noodles and cooking oil like they’ve just discovered philanthropy.
And the funniest part?
They know there is hunger in the land, and they are partly responsible for the conditions that have made things this difficult.
You’ll see somebody’s father and mother screaming at the top of their lungs, arms outstretched enough to rival a bridge, creating queues that could rival the Great Trek.
All for what?
Let’s discuss.
1. Bag of Rice
Likeeeee, what’s with Nigerian politicians and bags of rice?
Did they get the memo that it’s a special food?
And this rice sef is usually not even the standard 50kg.
It’s the type of bag that you carry home and start wondering if the remaining rice is hiding somewhere.
Yet somebody’s parent will stand under the scorching sun for hours because, in this economy, even a small bag of rice is something.
At this point, rice has become an unofficial campaign symbol.
Election is approaching?
Bring rice.
2. Groundnut Oil
Shebi na oil dem wan use fry plantain or fry akara?
Because why are we spending hours under this hot sun, queuing like we’re waiting for a passport interview, for oil that can barely fill a small bottle? 50cl is bigger than what they re sharing.
Sometimes, you just have to wonder:
What kind of wahala is this?
Imagine standing in the sun for hours, fighting your way through a crowd, only to return home with oil that will finish before the frying even begins.
3. ₦2,000
You see this one? E dey vex me
Please at this point, just give them the foodstuff.
Because what exactly is ₦2,000 buying in the market these days?
Nothing!
At best, you’re calculating garri and groundnuts for afternoon lunch and telling yourself you’ll figure out dinner later.
The way the value of money has changed, giving someone ₦2,000 during election season almost feels like saying:
“Here. Manage this and don’t ask me questions.”
4. Carton of Noodles
I believe this is the one that annoys me the most.
Because you don’t even know if my taste buds agree with the brand of noodles you’re bringing!
What if I don’t like it?
What if it’s the type that once hot water touches it, it melts like shea butter in a hot pan?
Everything just turns mushy.
You’re expecting noodles and somehow you’ve cooked porridge. It’s now noodles porridge.
But because it’s election season, everybody is collecting it with both hands.
No questions asked rara.
5. Tomato Paste
Eiiiiiiii.
Not even a carton.
Not even half a carton.
A row containing five sachets.
Haba nau!
Shebi they say what is worth doing is worth doing well?
Then let the thing make sense na!
Have you seen the price of tomatoes these days?
To cook small concoction rice nowadays, three sachets of tomato paste must drop before the food will even begin to look remotely colourful.
So why are you giving me five sachets and expecting me to shout “God bless you, sir”?
And Then, Election Day Comes
The funny thing is that these items aren’t really funny when you think about why people are willing to queue for them.
People are hungry.
Things are expensive.
And when somebody shows up with something that can put food on the table, even temporarily, people will take it.
That’s the sad part.
Because these shouldn’t be things people have to wait for politicians to distribute every four years.
Rice shouldn’t be campaign strategy.
Noodles shouldn’t be political empowerment.
And ₦2,000 shouldn’t be enough to make someone feel like they’ve won the lottery.
But somehow, every election season, the same script starts again.
Rice has entered the chat.
Noodles have arrived.
Groundnut oil is now political material.
And Nigerians?
We’re back in the queue.
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