The weekend has a way of turning Nigerians into completely different people.
Monday to Friday, we’re replying emails, attending meetings and pretending “Noted with thanks” isn’t slowly killing us. E dey stress me abeggg.
Then Fridays is the beginning of how the weekend starts, Saturday arrives and suddenly, everybody has plans. Or no plans. Or plans that started as “I’ll just…” and somehow became a full-day activity.
Here are some things Nigerians do differently when the weekend finally lands:
1. We Sleep Like We Have Been Fighting for Our Lives
You see that alarm you’ve been snoozing all week?
Or the one that has been helping your life’s ministry so you can get up early for work?
On Saturday morning, it doesn’t exist.
Your body has officially submitted a leave application.
Because that’s your official sleep day, nothing stands between you and sleeping.
2. “I’m Staying Home” Is Never a Guarantee
You see this one, we are many on this table. You woke up determined to stay indoors, nothing or no one will make you leave the comfort of your house.
Then a friend calls:
“Are you around?”
Before you know it, you that resolved not to step out has gone to have your bathe.
Nobody knows what happened, something sha just happened.
3. Every Weekend Has an Owambe Somewhere
This is what the Yorubas call, Mogbomoya
You may not know the celebrant.
You may not know the bride.
You may not even know how your friend knows them, in fact it’s not your business rara.
But somehow, you’re wearing native and asking:
“What time are we leaving?”
4. We Suddenly Become Chefs
Monday to Friday, “What can I quickly eat?” is the question, because you are on survival mode. Anything works for you, just name it; noodles and bread, vegetable soup and rice, beans and garri, you will merge any combo to survive.
But you see on Saturday, it becomes “I want to try something new.”
That’s when you’d decide to wake up the culinary spirit that has been dormant all week.
Next thing, you’re watching a 14-minute YouTube tutorial on how to make restaurant-style pasta.
I hail you chief.
5. We Remember All Our Unfinished Chores
This one is trauma to most of us. We grew up detesting weekends cos you already know the work that is awaiting you.
Now that you’ve grown up, that culture is still strong in you.
The house has been looking at you all week.
Saturday morning arrives, you finally say:
“Today, I must clean this place.”
Two hours later, you’re sitting on the bed scrolling through your phone because apparently cleaning requires emotional and mental preparation.
6. We Spend Money Like Monday Doesn’t Exist
Friday night:
“This weekend, I’m living la vida loca.”
Chowdeck will love to see you coming
Saturday evening you go out, instead of entering korope that will not wreck you, you’ll say:
“How much is Uber?”
By Sunday night, you are already regretting your poor financial decisions.
7. By Sunday Evening, We Start Dreading Monday
On Saturday morning, it’s “Weekend just started!”
By 7 pm on Sunday, you are already dreading the new week.
You start having internal monologue, “Is it really Monday tomorrow?”
You suddenly remember emails that you left unread, traffic trhat you’ll face the next day, Monday meetings that are sometimes very unnecessary and that one oversabi colleague who will say:
“Good morning, team. Trust we had a great weekend.”
No, we did not and don’t assume on our behalf that we did.
At This Point
Your weekend is basically a two-day emotional rollercoaster.
You spend Saturday trying to enjoy yourself, Sunday trying to recover from Saturday, and somehow Monday morning still arrives with the confidence of someone who wasn’t invited.
Anyway, enjoy your weekend before Monday starts looking for you.
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