There is a special kind of love that makes you ignore everything.
You see the red flags, but you call them “misunderstandings.” Your friends are shouting, “Omo, this person is using you!”
You are there defending your partner like you’re on their payroll.
“You don’t understand them.”
“They’re actually a good person.”
“They’re just going through a lot.”
At some point, you have to sit yourself down and ask: Am I in love, or am I simply the mumu of this relationship?
Because love is sweet, but sometimes, you too need to use your sense.
Here are six signs you might be doing premium mumuism in the name of love.
1. You Apologise Even When They Are Clearly Wrong
They offend you.
They upset you.
They say something hurtful.
You explain why you’re hurt.
They get angry that you’re upset.
And somehow, you’re the one saying sorry.
As how nau?
Please, somebody explain the mathematics.
You could literally have evidence, witnesses, screenshots and CCTV footage, and somehow you’ll still be saying:
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
My dear, what exactly did you do?
Sometimes, you’re not apologising because you’re wrong. You’re apologising because you’re more interested in keeping the relationship peaceful than addressing the problem.
But if you’re constantly swallowing your feelings just to avoid conflict, congratulations.
You’ve entered mumu territory.
2. You’re Always the One Gifting
Birthday? You buy something.
Valentine’s Day? You buy something.
Anniversary? You buy something.
Random Tuesday? You’re sending money because “I just wanted to make you smile.”
Meanwhile, what have you received?
Nothing.
Not even singlet.
Not boxers.
Not socks.
Not even one plastic container they saw at the market and thought, “This would be useful for my baby.”
NOTHING!!!!!!
And before someone says, “Love isn’t about gifts,” yes, we know.
But it is also not about one person constantly giving while the other person has conveniently forgotten that generosity goes both ways.
You don’t need expensive gifts.
Sometimes, the gesture is the point.
If you’re always the one planning surprises, buying things, paying for dates and going the extra mile while your partner’s contribution is simply “Aww, thank you babe,” then you might want to review the terms and conditions of that relationship.
3. You’ve Lost Weight Since This Relationship Started
Before the relationship, you were looking healthy.
Your cheeks were doing well, your clothes were fitting properly.
Now?
Your collarbone has entered the chat.
People who haven’t seen you in three months are asking: “Are you okay?”
And you keep saying: “I’m fine.”
Are you really fine ehnn?
Because sometimes, relationships can take a toll on you emotionally, and you may not even realize how much stress you’re carrying.
You’re constantly overthinking.
Waiting for replies.
Wondering where they are.
Trying to figure out if they’re angry.
Checking if they’ve seen your message.
Arguing.
Making up.
Arguing again.
At this point, you’re not dating.
You’re participating in a reality TV show nobody is paying you for.
4. You Have to Beg for the Bare Minimum
You don’t even want luxury.
You just want communication.
You want respect.
You want affection.
You want someone who actually keeps their word.
But every single one feels like a negotiation.
“Please call me when you get home.”
“Please don’t speak to me like that.”
“Please make time for me.”
“Please communicate when you’re upset.”
Ahannn
Why are we begging?
You’re submitting applications for basic human rights.
And before someone says, “Everybody has different love languages,” yes I know and I’m not arguing.
But there’s a difference between having different ways of expressing love and constantly making your partner beg you to show basic consideration.
5. Their Friends Don’t Rate You
This one can be very telling.
You enter the room and everybody suddenly becomes quiet.
You greet them.
Silence.
You try to join the conversation.
Somebody changes the topic.
You ask a question.
Nobody answers.
Dem no send your papa rara.
And the worst part?
Your partner knows o.
They see how their friends treat you and do absolutely nothing.
Now, we’re not saying your partner must fight everybody because of you.
But if the people closest to your partner consistently disrespect you, and your partner doesn’t care enough to address it, that’s a problem.
You shouldn’t constantly feel like an unwanted guest in your own relationship.
6. You Keep Making Excuses for Their Bad Behavior
This one is the grand finale.
Your partner does something terrible.
You explain it.
“That’s just how they are.”
They disrespect you.
“They’ve been under a lot of pressure.”
They disappear for hours.
“Maybe their phone died.”
They treat you badly.
“They don’t know how to express their emotions.”
Just know that you have become their full-time PR manager.
You’re defending someone who isn’t even defending themselves.
And sometimes, your partner isn’t confused.
They’re not misunderstood.
They’re simply behaving badly.
Of course, everyone makes mistakes. Relationships require patience, forgiveness and room for people to grow.
But there’s a difference between making excuses for someone occasionally and creating an entire legal defence every time they hurt you.
If you’re constantly explaining away behavior that makes you unhappy, perhaps it’s time to stop asking, “Why are they like this?”
And start asking:
“Why am I accepting this?”
So, Are You Actually the Mumu?
Before you start sending this article to your partner with “Please read this,” take a minute.
Being generous doesn’t make you a mumu.
Apologising doesn’t make you a mumu.
Supporting your partner doesn’t make you a mumu.
The problem starts when you are consistently giving, compromising and adjusting while the other person simply enjoys the benefits of having you around.
Love shouldn’t require you to abandon your self-respect.
You shouldn’t have to shrink yourself just to keep someone.
And you definitely shouldn’t need to beg someone to treat you like they actually like you.
Because relationships are supposed to be partnerships.
Not one person doing premium service while the other person is enjoying free trial.
So, if you read all six signs and suddenly went quiet…
Omo.
Maybe this write-up wasn’t supposed to find you.
But since it has already found you, open your eyes small.
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