There are some places in Nigeria you cannot enter without preparing yourself mentally. You need patience, sharp eyes, negotiation skills and, sometimes, the ability to pretend you didn’t hear what someone just said.
From market women who can spot a first-time customer from a mile away to Lagos traffic that will make you question every decision that brought you outside, these places are not for the weak. If you want to make it out without losing your money, your temper or your mind, you need to come prepared.
Here are 7 places in Nigeria where you must have survival skills.
1. The Market
Your Bargaining Skills Must Be Alive
You see this place? Get ready to haggle or be haggled. It’s either one of the two.
That negotiating skill you’ve been hiding or burying somewhere in your body? When going to the Nigerian market, you had better resurrect it because these market people are ready for you.
You have to bargain like your life depends on it. The seller says ₦15,000, you say ₦5,000, and somehow, you both eventually agree on ₦10,000. Everybody leaves feeling like they won.
Let’s not even mention the pickpockets who might be watching you like you’re their next breakthrough. You need sharp eyes, a firm bargaining voice and enough street sense to know when to walk away.
2. The Bus Park
Where Your Patience Goes to Die
Hmmm. Is it the conductors who behave like they were sent from your father’s village to frustrate you, or the drivers who suddenly increase the fare because it’s raining?
There’s a lot to process.
One minute, you’re asking how much it costs to get to your destination. The next minute, you’re negotiating a new fare because the weather has apparently introduced a fresh pricing policy.
Then there’s the special set of conductors who will squeeze passengers into seats that were already full before you arrived. Somehow, there’s still room for one more person.
You need to guard your belongings, confirm your fare before entering and prepare yourself for the possibility that the journey will be an experience you didn’t ask for.
3. Nigerian Weddings
Come Prepared or Leave Hungry
Mehnnn!
Some Nigerian families will make you understand that buying the aso-ebi is not just about wearing matching clothes. It’s apparently your ticket to the food.
If you didn’t buy the aso-ebi, you might find yourself watching other guests collect their jollof rice while you’re wondering whether the servers can see you.
And if you know you didn’t buy the outfit, my dear, you might want to eat something before leaving home. Otherwise, hunger will nearly humble you while you’re pretending to enjoy the ceremony.
Then there’s the struggle to find a seat, the MC who refuses to let the event end and the uncle who insists you must dance before you can collect your gift.
Nigerian weddings require stamina, strategic seating and the ability to locate the food vendors before the crowd does.
4. Government Offices
Patience Is Your Greatest Asset
At this point, you might start wondering whether rudeness is a compulsory requirement for anyone working in certain government offices.
You arrive early, hoping to finish your business quickly. Then someone tells you to come back tomorrow. Another person sends you to a different office. The person in that office tells you to return to where you started.
Before you know it, you’ve visited three departments, spoken to five people and still haven’t achieved what you came for.
And sometimes, the attitude you receive can make even the sweetest person reconsider their commitment to peace.
You need patience, all your relevant documents, extra photocopies and enough phone battery to survive the waiting. Most importantly, don’t assume that arriving early means you’ll leave early.
5. Lagos Traffic
Your Entire Body Will Collect
Lagos traffic is a different kind of test.
It’s slightly better when you’re not behind the wheel because, at least, you can sit back, complain about the driver and occasionally consider walking.
But imagine being the person driving, stuck in traffic that hasn’t moved for 40 minutes. Your legs, back, waist, buttocks; in fact, every part of you will collect.
Then you start calculating how much fuel you’ve burnt without moving anywhere. Your meeting is approaching, your phone battery is dropping, and Google Maps keeps suggesting a route that looks like it was designed by your enemy.
6. Nigerian Hospitals
You Need Patience and a Strong Mind
You arrive at the hospital because you’re unwell, but before you can see a doctor, you may have to register, locate the right department, wait for your file and answer questions from several people.
And if it’s a public hospital, you might spend a significant part of your day waiting to be attended to.
There’s also the stress of figuring out where to pay, where to collect your medication and where to go for tests. If you’re unfamiliar with the hospital, the whole process can feel overwhelming.
You need patience, your medical documents, enough money for the expenses you can reasonably anticipate and someone who can help you navigate the process if you’re feeling too weak.
7. Family Meetings
Come With Emotional Strength
If you’ve ever attended a Nigerian family meeting, you already know that you might enter as one person and leave with five new responsibilities.
One minute, everybody is discussing a wedding. The next, someone is asking why you’re not married, why you haven’t bought a house or what exactly you’re doing with your life.
Your achievements might be mentioned, but somehow, the conversation will still find its way to what you’re yet to accomplish.
And just when you think you’ve survived, someone brings up an issue from 2014 that you thought had been settled.
You need emotional strength, a good sense of humour and the ability to smile through questions you never volunteered to answer.
Sometimes, the best survival skill is knowing when to respond politely, when to laugh and when to excuse yourself to help in the kitchen.
Which Nigerian Place Deserves an Honorable Mention?
Nigeria will humble you in ways you cannot always prepare for. From markets that test your bargaining skills to traffic that tests your faith in humanity, some everyday experiences require more patience than they should.
But somehow, we keep showing up, figuring things out and finding something to laugh about afterwards.
Which place in Nigeria do you think requires the strongest survival skills?
Read more interesting writeups here!
0 Comments