Eniola Lasaki
I was lazily scrolling through my timeline on Instagram when I stumbled on a post by music powerhouse, Simisola Kosoko. It was something about firstborns and the need to let them “breathe”
She expressed concern over the rising level of responsibility shouldered by firstborns.
Simi said; “Y’all need to let your firstborns breathe. They came first does not mean they should carry everybody’s load. Many of them don’t even like you anymore, because when you text them na so so a panic attack.
They’re just not allowed to say it. Let them breathe.
Also, first, learn how to say no and set boundaries. You deserve peace too.”
After reading this, I couldn’t agree more with her. Now first of all, can we all agree that dumping responsibility on a firstborn child is Black tax in disguise?
Being born as the first child into a Nigerian home is a different ball game entirely. As a firstborn child, irrespective of your gender, you are expected to set precedence for your younger ones.
A friend of mine was left with the responsibility of his siblings (3) after his father died. What about their mother? You may ask. She was perfectly fine at the time. She thought he was the man of the house and should assume responsibility accordingly, paying little or no regard to how it affected him mentally.
African parents are of the school of thought that firstborns are mini saviors, who are believed to not only shield but represent the family on all fronts. As soon as a child is done with their service year, parents assume it is reward time. Reward for all their efforts over you right from childhood to adulthood.
These kids are in turn faced with immense pressure, which causes them to turn to illegal sources for livelihood.
Some suffer mental abuse and manipulation of all sorts from their parents, that they feel compelled to pump money back home and feel a pang of guilt whenever they can’t afford to, on demand.
This unhealthy lifestyle has caused more harm than good and should be curbed. I do feel like more awareness should be raised as regards this topic and parents should be educated about the consequences of their actions on the life of the average firstborn child. Ultimately, firstborns should also learn to set healthy boundaries to safeguard their mental health.
To my firstborns in the house, how are you feeling today?
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