Honestly, what can I tell you that hasn’t been said a thousand times?
No, this was not written in any way to make you laugh or feel entertained, this is real life, and too bad, but we’re experiencing it in Nigeria.
So, don’t follow these steps, and stay away from trouble as much as you can.
I care about you too much, and you know!!!
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Read the News Everyday
The constant bad news will leave you with a very high blood pressure, migraines and anxiety from nowhere. These three things wrapped up together has a higher chance of killing you than any other illness.
Yes, Nigeria is that bad, and to get good news na by connection.
God abeg ooooo.
2. Trusting the Government
Wait, you trust the government? As in “I cast all my hope in you”…Haaa helloooo on a straight line, because you’re walking straight into a trap with your two legs.
You’d sooner get protected by a lion in the jungle than the Nigerian government!
3. Believing a driver on the road has seen you, and will stop for you to cross
In Nigeria, my brother, are you new to this terrain?Ā The first rule of Nigeria is never to trust in anybody’s sanity but yours! As a matter of fact, you’re the only sane person in the world as long as you’re concerned.
There are many mad people in the country and 80% have a driver’s license and a car.
So, trust in yourself only, abegggggg.
4.Not running when others are
People are running Helter skelter, and you, Beyonceeee, are cat walking, thinking you’re too big to run.
My dear, if Nigeria has not taught you anything, at least by now you should know that we live with terrorists and they can appear from anywhere at any time of the day!
No, running without knowing what’s going on is not a normal thing to do, but look around you, my love.
So, you better run when you see anybody running, because you might just be a long run away from a bush in Oyo state, or worse getting beheaded right in front of the whole world.
Nne run ooooooo…leave catwalk for Naomi campbell.
5. Say “Cannot be me”
LOL!!!! My darling, can be you, can be me, can be anybody!
Trying to exclude yourself from the woes of a system you’re correctly in is ridiculous. I mean, nobody ever wants their kids to be kidnapped from school and tortured in the bush by terrorists, but here we are.
Still think it cannot be you?
6.Believe that the “Original Charger” that was sold to you is, indeed, original
Wait, wait, wait, you believed him when he said it was original? chai! LOL!!!
See, my darlings that charger that they sold for you at a ridiculous price, all because it is “Original” is just two charges away from exploding.
Na so we see am oooo.
So, my amazing people, let’s try to avoid doing everything listed above. We truly and deeply care about you reading this! Okay?
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